Can't sleep so I am going to post here.

Hello all, I hope this message finds you all well and happy. I went to bed at 6.30pm this evening so now its 3am and I am up (but heading back to bed soon). The warmer weather has finally hit here and its really made me happy, I love not struggling to keep warm all the time, it gets tiresome.
I am right back on track and although I didn't weigh in this week (I was just so broken I couldn't face going), I am sure I am making headway on those unwanted kilos so I am happy about that.
On the weekend we had a bit of a scare with my darling hubby, Phil. He was putting oil in my car and (we found out since) pulled a ligament in his lower back and found himself unable to move without massive pain. Amy came in and told me that Daddy had hurt himself so I went out and helped him inside (just talked to him, I am in no condition to be supporting anyone physically LOL) and finally got him into an armchair. After about 20 Min's he finally conceded he would need some medical help and I tried to get a doctor to visit but couldn't for 2 hours so I rang an ambulance. He was in massive pain so I wasn't going to let him suffer for 2 hours. They took him to our local hospital where they filled him up with muscle relaxants and painkillers and he was released about 5 hours later. He came home on a walking frame but has recovered quickly and is much better now. Scared the hell out of me. He is my strong man who never complains and who does all the heavy jobs around here that I am unable to do. I would be lost without him so I am so glad that he is ok. Amy was a little trouper through it all, she was upset when the Ambulance took him but I dropped her off at my friend Buffy's house to play (who took her to netball and then had her until 5pm, she is such a good friend to have) so she was fine.

Today (well yesterday but you know what I mean) I booked my holidays for April for our houseboat holiday!! I really am going to need a break by then and I am sure I will be at least 90% better by April so we are going with my sister Donna and her family and our parents. 11 nights of relaxation and fun, I can't wait!! We went on a houseboat almost 2 years ago and had to cut it short because my father-in-law was very sick so it will be nice to re-do the holiday and do it right this time. We had a great time last time but we had to leave the holiday in such a hurry so this time it will be nice to see it all out. I am taking my kayak and I plan to be fit and healthy so I can explore all the back areas of the river.

I have a busy day tomorrow, Amy has netball early and then I have a friend coming to check out a leak under my sink. I have been unable to use my dishwasher for a few days and am back to washing by hand so I hope he can fix it. I rang a plumber and was lucky enough that he answered the phone and told me he will have a look at it on the weekend which will save me a massive call out fee which is wonderful. I didn't expect that at all because I haven't seen much of him in the last couple of years (our kids went to kindy together but then on to different schools) so I am very thankful. His wife and child are coming around too so it will be just like a playdate! I seem to gather good people around me which is great! Tomorrow night is halloween so Buffy's daughter is coming for a sleepover and the kids are going to dress up and go trick or treating. I have lollies all ready to go (skull lollipops and gross teeth which are cool) so it should be a fun night. Our street does halloween so well that people bring their kids to our street just to knock on doors!!

Well Amy just got up so I gave her many cuddles and put her back to bed so its time for me to head back to bed too.
This week was a bit stressful but it all ok now, I have my little family all well and back where they belong. Just how I like it.
Night (or morning lol),
Joanne.

There hasn't been a lot to report....

So I haven't been reporting. Recovery (rehab is such a bad word) is going very slowly but well, I have days now where I am starting to feel better and being able to move a bit more which is great and I am back at work for 2 hour shifts which is very boring (tidying shelves basically) but good to be out of the house. I was a bit stressed about the school holidays and how to keep Amy entertained from the lounge chair but she had a great time with the neighbors and we had lots of visitors to keep her entertained too! My sister Donna came down for a few days and was a major help around the house, she cleaned Amy's room right out and (three weeks later) it is still tidy!! She also cleaned my laundry and we bought a clothes dryer so when I am really broken, I don't have to worry about hanging washing out. Its a godsend, I love it already. I also had my mate Jo come and visit with her three kids and we had a great time. The kids all played well and my garden got de-weeded!! I really am blessed to have such good friends.
So I guess this is the part where I talk about my weight. I weighed in last night at weight watchers (first weigh in in over a month) and I am at 93 kilos. I have gained about 3 kilos from when this debacle with my back all started about 3 months ago. I am stoked, I think its great. I have been unable to exercise and taking lots of painkillers and other things that make you just want to sit around and eat and I have gained an average of 250 grams a week. I am totally POSITIVE now that I will never ever get back to the size I was because I can feel that 3 kilos and I want to work to get it off but I am in no hurry cos I am sure that once I can move again, my weight will stabilize and start to drop. I have started tracking online again (instead of on my fingers) and I think that will make a difference straight away.
Anyway, I am off to work, hello to everyone and I hope you are all going well.
Joanne.

Physio here I come!

Just about to head off to the physio, I am going to ask him to give me an exercise program ASAP so I can get moving again. Still having quite a lot of pain but managing to do more around the house so I think I can see improvement.
Hubby has been wonderful, super supportive and I think my head is in a much better place then it was even a few days ago.
Amy went to her first sleepover at a friends house and had 'the best time ever' and it gave me and Phil some quiet time together so it was a win-win for everyone. I missed my girl but am happy that she enjoyed herself.
Life is getting better and will be back to great very soon. I am even hoping to get back to work (and strangely looking forward to it?) sooner rather then later, even if its just for a few hours or even a visit.
I have decided that attitude is so important to healing and getting on with life so I have spent some time counting my blessings and being thankful for my support network and the great life I have built for myself. I am truely, truely blessed.
Stay safe everyone,
Joanne.

Soldiering On.....well sorta.

I have been having a bit of a rough trot of late, my back has been giving me hell so I FINALLY relented and saw the doctor. I think the loss of sensation in my lower back and bum was the final straw that scared me into action. I had an MRI (scariest thing ever, hated every minute of it) and it showed a bulging disc, some sort of a cyst (which the doc doesn't seem bothered by) and degenerative wear and tear of the joints.
Great.
So I have had two weeks off of work and have another week off yet to see if I can rest it into submission. I am on LOTS of painkillers and also taking Valium to relax the muscles. Not a fan of the Valium but I do think it is helping.
I am sitting around the house all day (well lying more, its more comfy) and wanting to eat. Its been tough, tough, tough but I am sticking to my low point foods, things that are easy to prepare and take a long time to eat, my low calorie jelly and lots of carrots. Even with my dedication to not over eating, I still managed to gain 1.2kilos over two weeks (was in too much pain to make one weigh in so I skipped the first week).
So back up over 90 I go again. But, its not forever.
I think the drugs make me want to eat, I think the boredom and the pain make me want to eat and I think I just like to eat so overall, I think I am doing ok.
My back will get better, I will be able to move again and that 1.2 kilos will be a distant memory.
I am still dedicated to my new life and I now know how important its going to be to my quality of life in the future to get rid of the rest of this excess weight.
I am 2/3rds of the way there, I am not going go backwards now.
That reminds me, I have been watching a LOT of tv (thank god for foxtel) and one of the shows I have been watching is all about weight loss surgery (its American so they are a big fan of the gastric bypass over there) and they define the operation a success if the patient loses 50% of their excess weight. So, if you are 59 kilos over weight (for example LOL) then losing and maintaining a weight loss of at least 30 kilos would be defined as a success.
I am a success already and they didn't even need to use a knife.
59 to start with, 22 to go.
I can do this. Eventually. LOL.
Stay safe everyone,
Joanne.
EDITED TO SAY, in the middle of all of this, I had a birthday, I turned 36 and lost a point!! RIPPED OFF!! It was the worse birthday ever, I was in a lot of pain, sat on the lounge and cried all day and then hubby (who never forget any important dates) forgot.
I have only mentioned this here because I am planning to set another date in a few months time when I am better and I am going to have another birthday. It will be a day where its all about me because as we all know, thats how it should be. :o) So, when I start talking about my fake birthday, we all know what I am on about. LOL.

Finally, some movement........

Not that I am really that bothered but I know a lot of you are focused on numbers LOL so I can report I lost a kilo this week. Last week I gained again but I didn't really....ok full story, I weighed in the wrong shoes, forgot to put my ultra comfy (and light) slippers on and gained 400 grams. The difference in the weigh of the shoes was about 600 grams so I actually lost 200grams. Did you follow that? There will be a test later on.
So I went up to 90.8 and now I am 89.8. Still got a bit to go before I am back into virgin fat ( I think my lowest was 88.9) but I am still weighing in the heavier shoes so my kilo that I lost this week WAS a true kilo, not shoe trickery.
Been having a few issues, my back still isn't great, can't exercise a lot but I have decided to get back into the pool this week and get moving again. Its scary, not knowing whats going to stir things up, not knowing whats going to make it worse, not knowing if I am going to do something to put me in bed for a week but I have to give it a shot. I want my life back.
We have a new leader, still checking her out, the only thing I can find wrong with her so far is she isn't the old leader. LOL.
Take care everyone,
Joanne.

I am still here!

I had a mild victory last week, after four consecutive weeks of gains, I stayed the same!! Yay for me. I am at 90.4 right now. Not my best effort but I know a lot of it is due to my ill health and lack of exercise (still quite fanatical about my food) so I am really not that worried.
I get a bit frustrated that it seems to be one step forward and two steps back at the moment but I think that's just life and at the end of the day, I am still way healthier then I was 37 kilos ago.
Got weigh in again tomorrow night and I am hopeful for a small loss, I have managed to go for some small walks this week (despite a tummy bug and still a terrible back) so if I lose, I lose, if not, there is always next week!
Life is too short to lose sight of the big picture.
I will take some more photos soon, I really want to wait until I have lost 40 kilos but not sure when that will happen the way things have been lately LOL.
Take care everyone,
Love Joanne.

Not a fantastic week...

I went to my meeting on Thursday and found out that my leader quit. Peta was a great leader, very supportive and had become a great friend. It was a huge shock that she was no longer our leader but as I can only control my actions I am going to put my head down and my bum up and continue on towards goal.
The only problem with that theory is that I gained 300 grams.LOL Blah, its 300 grams, just a big wee really.
The other fantastic (not) thing that happened is I seem to have hurt my back again. I had a very bad night Thursday night and it has been very bad since. I kinda panic every time it happens because I think, this is the one that's going to leave me unable to go about my normal life forever. It was especially worse this time because it was different then it was before. A different sort of pain in a different spot. I panic and stress and that (of course) just makes it worse.
Anyway, today is Monday and its still very very sore but I think its slightly better. I am ok and can stop stressing if I see an improvement and today I think I can. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to say I defiantly can.
I am resting and stretching and pottering around the house and generally just being very kind to my back to give it a chance to get better. One of the things I have done is restrict my online time, this chair is NOT good for me so face book is just going to have to survive without me for a few days (cept for my brief periods of farming LOL)
Ok well that's my time up in this chair for now, will update again soon,
Joanne.